Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
