I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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