i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
