He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
