we have pet lesbian snakes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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