Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
