what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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