I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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