feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
