It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just found a bag of teeth...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
