He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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