do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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