i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you had me at cake vodka
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
