just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
