Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
