he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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