My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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