I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize