I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
