If i come over, it means nothing
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
