I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
