I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
