Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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