i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
