I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
