she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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