I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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