you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
