u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
