hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
