Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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