I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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