i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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