Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
