did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
