i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
