Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
