I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
