Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
