this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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