what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
