she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
