I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
