ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
