Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
