I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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