Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
