I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
