What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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