then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
