The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize