Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
