Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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