I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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