i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
