dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
