WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
