im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
