Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My bed smells like the plague
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
