cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
