five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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