Screwed.edu
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
