just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
