my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize