Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
