I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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