There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
