i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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