so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I touched a dick in church today
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
