I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
