Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
