I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
