I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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