wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize